Thursday, September 3, 2009
watching dramas is really a remedy in escaping realities, no wonder i can sit there for hours watching without moving.....
sometimes things are just meant to be, what's not yours will never be yours no matter how hard you work for it, no matter how hard you pray. things just get worse even... i seem to be talking about something really unfortunate, i know that there are much more unfortunate ppl out there than me, i know i have many blessings to count, but it really hurts when i work so hard for something, and never get anything in return. why... why do ppl who care less than me have the opportunity, but not me. yes im lousy, but have i not tried 100 percent to become better, yes ppl are lazy to wake up in the morn to trng but have i not. i have. yet all has come to nought. forget it, just forget it, im not talented, neither do i have the luck or chance, just give up, it will be easier that way. will it? i dont even know why i take it so hard, fine because im so lousy such chance hardly come, but yet i have to get my hopes up and get thrown back down the dark tunnel. great. furthermore, i know i dont have what it takes to grab every chance. sometimes, i seem to want to act to be somebody besides myself, its easier to blend in that way. whats the use of explaining my situation and having pitiful glances thrown my way. it feels weird to keep coming up with stories to cover up the truth i must hide.... i hate it. i hate this. why cant my dream be fulfiled. why.... i asked this thousandth of times, maybe, just maybe, this will be my last time. anyway, it does not turn better, so why bother, sacrificing so many stuff in the way. just give up.
6:20 AM