Friday, April 27, 2007
......... great, now i know how much a failure i can be. dun wish to say it out, but seriously, which "genius" would be like me, tt kind of marks... its kind of seriously rubbish. can;t believe i actually half cried in class tdy, at least i managed to control. i DID study. forget it, its no use saying all that now. when its already printed in red and white. shall end my post here before i scold any crap out.
8:06 AM
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Q4, Q7, Q8 and part of Q5, its was just left blank, and i mean TOTALLY blank. i didnt write a single number for those questions. that's how screwed my maths test is. i am 101% sure i will fail my maths test, its just a matter of how badly i fail... Q 8 alone is 15 marks, and Q 7 is about 8 marks, 23 marks confirm gone. with the others left blank, i am even skeptical about being able to get a 20. and its upon 50!!!! why am i so screwed. when i was doing the paper, i just stared blanky at each question. usually at least for the first few questions i am sure of the answer, today even the very first question i am unsure of.... i know im bad in maths, but i really didnt expect to fail. i am really a failure, and i mean a FAILURE. its the first time i felt like crying after a test, or rather i did. the moment i walked out of the room, i know im doom. i really have a feeling i am getting 30 % or less for this test, and this will just make my life harder from now on. my term 1 test is just borderline, and nw a failure. i wud need something like 80% for the end of the year to pull it back up, and that's quite impossible. haiz, how screwed can i get. i dont even feel like getting back my paper, i will just have to get ready to answer to my teacher, and face the horrible results of the test.
AAAAARRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!. it really seemed like a nightmare, but the worst is, its reality. i just feel like screaming the whole house down now.... im i really such a failure?
the sky is now grey
a looming patch of darkness
without any ray
of light
the hope for sunrise
is what kept me going but
my faith like the dice
rolled into the hole of disappointment.
6:25 AM
Monday, April 23, 2007
RAAAAAAAA!!!!! oh man... haiz still didnt make it in the end. i was just so near to getting into combine schools, but in the end failed terribly. well, sigh was hoping to get in, but it was an expereince, and a mental training ground, since i know my mentality is very weak. hmm i tried, but didnt fa hui everything, shall go and reflect why... argh why why why. just one match... nvm, there is still next year. but its not that easy... shall continue training harder and improve on my skills, yup. oh man kind of disappointed. really hope to do well in other upcoming comps, , that's precisely why im training hard isnt it? ok shall end my disappointment here, and work on it. STOP thinking about it. ok vented my frustrations. now back to studying. RAAAAAA!!!
3:38 AM
Saturday, April 21, 2007
oh no, left my blog untouched for dunno how long, confirm got dunno how many layer of dust le. actually was quite busy with school work and tbt. we got fourth, but it was quite well played. we shall try harder next year. now i have national individuals going on, got through first round playing on mon. and i just found out i screwed up my geog test, that kind of sucks. it was one of my better subjects and it has to turn out like this. the worse is i studied for it, and i stayed up late just to get everything memorised into my head, sigh. this is not the first time hard work didnt bring success anyway. i'm kind of numb to the fact i guess, er not numb, rather tired of it, but i guess this kinda pushed me to fight on and try even harder, not only the talented will succeed. hard work by all rights should bring what we deserve, this goes out to all those out there fighting on and working hard to whatever goal they are aiming for, they should get what they deserve,
我们的汗不会白流。sometimes i just wonder is there such a big gap between us and adults, wasn't adults once kids? cant they just put themselves into our shoes and think from our side and stop putting on airs just because they are older than us. yes we are younger, but we have our views on things. and i also wonder will a position make a person change, once you become more senior, your attitude change. if it was originally good, why change?
haiz, i shall try to stop getting frusttrated so easily. i think im losing my temper very easily nowadays and that's bad. ok shall cool down and fight on! yup gogogo. faith's the word. someone told me one day when everybody has given up on you, you must not give up on yourself. hmm tt's quite true yea? ok that's about it. oh and following week are more tests and project due dates are nearing, and i need sleep badly... gosh, why is studying so stress... ok FULL STOP
4:17 AM
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
I REALLY TRIED! im sick and tired of talking about this, but i really really really really really did put in effort and tried so so so hard. but why? why dun i see any improvement? WHY!!!!! i feel so screwed, it seems that whatever i do, it just wun help, or maybe it does, but just by that little bit which is practically useless. i feel really useless. i really dunno wad to say, it been like this for a long time, and if you had been trying in vain for like dunno how many nillion days and putting in whatever you can and in the end get nothing, how wud you feel. tt's how im feeling nw. im just so frustrated and and..... argh! im just not good. or worse, just plain lousy. i hate it, i HATE it. im like finding a needle in the dark, i dunno where to change, how to change. change change change and i just cant get it.... not even near. i really hate it. argh...... i really don't wanna give up, i wanna fight on, but sometimes im really so desperate and so irritated. its just.... i cant descirbe it... sigh.
7:17 AM
Monday, April 9, 2007
haiz semis are over and we settled for the next match fighting for 3rd or 4th. well not really settled, we tried our best didnt we? dam but im still not happy with my performance, when will i ever be... its just quite screwed. i have been training hard and trying to think more and reflect more as what im told to do, but does all these help? im even starting to lose the goal in front of me, worse i guess i will lose hope first. my mind is still in a whirl with many things confusing me, but well shall talk about all those some other time, now gotta mug soon. guess i will just try to rmb everything being taught next time during a match or trng and try my very best to trng out or play out my best, and hopefully improve. more competitions are coming and i really do not want to disappoint myself. i really hope hard work can bring some success, although i have been doubting all these logics for a very long time.
now i know why do i always stone, or rather not want to do anything on weekends but just slack, cause my mind has so much stuff in it i cant really seem to concentrate. well guess i have try to break tt unhealthy trend so as to do well in my upcoming tests. haiz, what is life really about, can someone tell me?
6:12 AM
Friday, April 6, 2007
10. or was it 11? nvm tdy we had a pri sch class gathering of 10 or 11 ppl. lol weird yea? my friend organised it and well not many ppl turned up, some had to go to church and others already had appointments. well so it seem more like a friends gathering hahaz. but... overall it was quite fun la hahaz. ppl change over time, but well we will always be class of 6a'05. i reached earlier with the organizers cause i tompang their car and well we went cycling and it was dam funny, we like almost crashed into each other several time cause we luan lai. hmm around 2 all came and we chatted and stuff. yea tt's all, and nw im sun burned. ouch.
ok results of nationals, c div moving on to semis! yea other schs are better than us, but nv give up, jus put in your best in every match. go! b div, didnt get in. haiz they tried very hard, but try not to dwell on it, just continue this spirit and bring it on to jc, you all sure succed one day! all the way! yup, and i will continue working hard.
im seriously quite irritated or rather somehow pissed when ppl dont understand and just think that they are always right and force, no its keep pushing me to complete what they deem important. yes i know its important, but i have my limits, and im really trying my best. i need my rest. i jus want you to know i have a limit. but if you choose not to understand and not to believe, suit yourself, but im not giving in either.
8:14 AM