Tuesday, May 29, 2007
30 May 2007, which is also tomorrow, i face a challenge. im already quite nervous now, but i guess wad others told me was kind of right, i should not see it as something fearful, but a chance, a chance for me to win back what i have lost. or rather, a chance for another challenge which i lost previously. someone told me once, "we should not run away from failure, after we lose, we should think, and yearn for another challenge, and try to win it." losing is not scary, giving up is scary. haiz, but who is not afraid of losing, i not only im scared of losing, i detest and hate losing. tt's partly because i cant take it. but there will always only be one winner, everyone hopes to be tt winner, but nothing is guaranteed, the most important thing is that whether or not i have tried my best. it sounds ironic doesnt it, we can say anything now, only when we are facing the real thing, that we are rendered speechless, and hopeless. it is always then that we feel that all is gone. but i heard this from someone, we should not be ashamed of feeling nervous, because even world champions do feel nervous. and that person also said, we are playing for ourself, not others. i realised i said a lot of what others said. tt's probably because even if i said those, i dont truly believe in it. haiz now i dont want to think so much, i just want to focus on tomorrow. i know i gotta believe, i dont wanna lose, but most importantly, i dont wanna regret. so i will just try, try my very best to just focus on the game and not anything else. i wanna SOAR HIGH!
5:36 AM
Thursday, May 17, 2007
"hard work"-i never really understood what this two seemingly SIMPLE words mean.
only 1% of talent leads to success, the rest of the 99% is dependent on hard work, on what basis are all of these phrases formulated? from the start of the year to the end of the year, from the first day of the month to the last day, from morning to night, practically, whenever i said that it just seems so difficult, all adults will just go, you must work hard, success depends on the degree of hard work you put in, sacrifices may be necessary sometimes. and YES i know, i KNOW. why do they just think its so easy, i tried my best. what must i say to them to let them know, I HAVE DONE MY VERY BEST!!! i just need someone to understand, to guide me how to improve, not just by telling me hard work. i know to succeed, we need to put in a lot of effort. but that's just what im trying to do, but sometimes it just hurt so much to know when you are trying to put in 100%, what you get back is only 20%. when you start a battle, the fear of failure just linger in your mind.
im trying so hard to gain back my confidence, to grip tight to whatever chance i have, but it just seems not enough, i just seem to be falling back down again and again. i really want to improve, but maybe i just dont know how. when i try so hard during comps, it is dam frustrating to be held back because of the restraints of my dong zuo. i am trying to control it.... but its really difficult. i know losing is inevitable, but how would you feel if you just cant reach the goal you are aiming for no matter how hard you try. i also dont know what to say now, im really at a lost. new day always have new challenges, but they just prove too much for me.
soar high? or dig down? i wanna fly and soar and leap, but i just dont have the gift for it.
6:56 AM
Friday, May 11, 2007
CHEM PRAC ROCKS!!! hahaz. if it wasnt a test tt is. on thurs we were experimenting with indicators for acids and alkali. the last 15 min we were exploring all sorts of colour combination lol, and its quite cool hahaz.
Hahaz. with hydrochloric acid and sodium hydroxide and universal indicator, we got this!
My friend anyhow mix mix mix become so black and hmm, quite nice la
This is my most wonderful creation, most colour hahaz. i think i put ethanoic and erm ammonia plus indicator.ok yup those were the pictures we took. quite lame but fun! hope got more chem prac hahaz. and yes shirlynn im suppose to thank you for sending me the pics XD
anyway sunday is comp day, hope i can do well. really really hope. training hard this few days. hmm yea as i said, play out my best with no regrets, soar high!
7:06 AM
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
phew tired. yesterday trng's only had 3 ppl, so 1 coach to each. waa really very tired. after rest we played duo qiu, san kuang each. but i thought it was quite fruitful, i had a chance to correct my dong zuo. but yea its difficult. and im kind of tired, struggling with bad dong zuo causing a handicap in my play for like nearing 2 years, yea sigh. but still, if i choose to do something, i will do it to my very best. no matter how long it takes, i will just do it, but it really feels kinda screwed these few days, like i said, it just suddenly felt weird. and comp is hmm 3 or 4 days away, argh i must must try to get it soon.
ok then tdy was joola leauge, yesterday's san kuang of duo qiu seemed like it disappeared. badly played. hmm, nw still thinking why... hope by keep zhu yi my dong zuo, it will get better.
oh and yes, i didnt run my 2.4 on monday... sianzzz. sick with flu. i always dont get to run 2.4 on the actual day, last year i was sick too. yea so if i recover in time, running it next monday. hope i can improve on my timing, hahaz although i doubt i can, my stamina deproved quite a bit.
and guess what. my brother bought me DEATH NOTE AND DEATH NOTE 2 DVD as my belated birthday present, yay! i was longing to watch death note 2. it was real nice, like my brother said, its something like wu jian dao hahaz. two geniuses, but i think L is smarter. :) its really nice! thx bro! hmm and i wanna watch spider 3.. hols are coming, movei marathon! lol, tt's quite impossible, im broke.
ok off to bathe and catch up on my sleep.
will hard work bring success? i wish to prove it.
7:19 AM
Saturday, May 5, 2007
oh no oh no... my dong zuo is really screwed.... tdy's comp showed everything. sigh why why, why when i thought it was getting better it suddenly screw up? i know im repeating myself, but i just dont understand. ok i know my dong zuo initially was wrong already. but i was trying to improve and it somehow felt better and like comp i can hit in, then it seem quite ok until one training last week. when i started it just felt weird. then all i know it was screwed up... i dont even know why tt day my dong zuo just became weird, and i cant seem to change back.... argh this is real frustrating, this is not the first time this happens... waaa comp is just next sat, how how. argh i just need someone to tell me why this happen and help me coorect it... who will? sigh. i need to correct it, and SOON. i cant chill i cant chill. it is horrendously wrong nw.... even coach says so. nw i also think my wo pai a bit weird... desperately in need of help....
5:58 AM
Friday, May 4, 2007
11.52. that's approximately the time i started to post. hmm, it's quite late, but i still do not want to sleep. hahaz. i just finished my flash document for IT, its very long... but i like it. (: and... this morning our class had class breakfast during PCCG, there were brownies, cakes, sandwiches, cookies, cereal, apple and orange juice and some others! it was super nice, and the best of it is that most of them were made by our classmates. pro, i must say. so i ended up not eating anything during both recess and lunch as we had home econs aft lunch. wow, food day! bleargh, cannot eat so much le, NAPFA coming... and i seriously think my stamina deprove by a lot. oh no, im super unhealthy and im worried for 2.4km. argh! i guess im eating too much. hahaz.
ok just came back from training also, not just la, it has been quite a while. training was well.... not that great. my dong zuo is once again screwed... it feels very wrong and it is. everyball just fly out of the table. just when i thought i got some of the feeling, everything just sudden;y disappear during a training and its super difficult to try to get it back... why does this always happen? competitions are just round the corner and i cant afford to screw up. Frustrations...wish tomorrow's training would be better and that i can get back the feel, really hope.
next, i think this entry will be quite long. and hmm had a 2h plus chat i think with my ex classmate from primary sch, it was nice. and i realised i haven been replying my tagboard, mainly because im lazy! XD i will try to do so. and yes mavis, i wanna watch spider 3!!! and harry potter is coming out soon i think. hmm, maybe we can go watch during the june hols. and yea many people are having their tests or exams during this period, all the best to you all! and talking about studies, i realise again i have been sleeping quite late... i really need to improve on my time management if i wanna improve on the subjects i sccrewed during this term's test. argh, i still have assignments due the following two weeks, that means still need to mug.
ok i really think im writing too much. hmm i will stop here. hoping for improvement...
8:50 AM